#13 Patience…
Admittedly it’s been quite a while since my last post – life has got in the way and I am not sure where the last 2 years have gone. When I was living alone again for the first time in a while, I had lots of time to fill, and writing this blog helped me focus my energies on something creative and productive. Since then, other things have also filled my life and kept me busy.
I have two more articles in draft (one on crypto and one on how we learn new skills, this is why I’ve skipped a couple of numbers in the title) but I want to leave those aside for a little longer and instead share a personal blog today about a life lesson which is currently relevant to me. Long, technical articles (even opinion pieces on legal or technical topics) take a lot of research to make sure I’m talking sense and no making up facts. Personal articles take less time and no research :).
So, here goes…
I freely admit that I am a bit of a control freak. I work in a technical field and set high standards, but even outside of work, I feel uncomfortable when I don’t know what’s coming, even though life tends to throw us surprises. I want things to work well. I’m willing to put the effort in, but I expect to be able to understand a situation and have a good idea of what it takes to achieve the result I’m working towards. A lot of determination and singlemindedness can go a long way :).
Fast forward to today, where I am confronted with an unavoidable life lesson in several different areas of my life, the last one of which is simply the result of a bike accident due to not being attentive. Nothing too serious, but enough to slow me down and frustrate me.
The doctors were great and despite a small operation on my arm, and some nasty scratches on my leg, I was out of hospital in a few days, but with strict orders to wear an arm brace and slow down my life. When I am frustrated, I like to do things but if I can’t work and can’t do sport, I have to adjust my perspective. In the big scheme of things, slowing down for 3 weeks shouldn’t be such a big thing, but it comes on top of other areas in my life where the wait is longer and similarly outside my control. A perfect (if inconvenient and somewhat unwelcome) life lesson for someone like me.
Actually, I have to admit this has been some kind of strange blessing for me. I have been forced to slow down and accept that life sometimes deals us interesting cards and we have to pay attention to what’s going on around us.
In hospital, I quickly felt institutionalised. I couldn’t move around when I wanted, wear what I wanted or, frankly, do much without asking for help (asking for, and accepting help is also not my strength), but I accepted it and got used to it. Looking around me I quickly forgot my own worries. I was in a room with two older guys, both of whom had lost at least one leg. Why should I worry? I’ll be fine in a short while. But these guys were worth getting to know.
So I spent my time talking to strangers and we quickly built up a sense of comraderie. Whilst it’s not where I wanted to be, I valued the opportunity to exchange stories with these men, look out for them in whatever way I could, and find out more about their lives. I was struck, in particular, by the positivity of one of the guys, let’s call him Adam, who was a few years older than me and had had quite a difficult life.
His leg was lost as an indirect consequence of smoking, and he accepted this difficult fact as a result of something he had done. Amazing, really.
But he could see where he was working towards, and had a clear view of how he wanted to live once he had his prosthetic leg, and was motivated to work towards getting his freedom back, despite an awful ordeal with several surgeries.
I learnt to embrace and accept the situation I was in, in those days in hospital, and got to spend some quality time with interesting people. I could make the most of the situation and this was what I needed to see.
Life isn’t always the way you want it to be, and you can’t control everything, but it’s what you make of it that counts. If Adam can see the bright side of his dire situation, anyone can.
I’ve always admired the poem “If” by Rudyard Kipling, as the measuring stick for how to act as a man. The poem is over 100 years old but the principles are just as valid now and have served me well. I’ve set it out below in case you don’t know it. It’s about being true to yourself, accepting setbacks and being patient and modest. I can’t claim to have mastered all of this – perfection is still a lofty aim that I am a long way away from, but I appreciate sometimes being reminded of these tenets and how important they are to find a healthy attitude towards life.
Don’t get me wrong – I’ve not changed my spots completely, but I’m learning to handle the cards I’m dealt and adjust my expectations.
Looking back, I’m glad about what happened. Not least because, given the freedom to choose, some of the people in my life really stepped up and surprised me 
Soon my body will be fixed again and I will still have other areas of my life to practice patience on, and hopefully I will be able to apply the same principles there – do what you can, and the rest is not up to you.
Patience is a virtue…and the virtuous are so few and far between!
’til next time.
Rudyard KiplingIf
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,And—which is more—you'll be a Man, my son!
Thanks for reading!
– Phil G
